Taking the Reigns

Sometimes, bad things happen.

A recipe I tried out was less than delicious. One of my necklaces broke. A girlfriend backed out on our plans. It never feels good.

Sometimes, bad things are your fault.

I gave in to retail therapy as things have gotten stressful. It felt good for a moment to have something beautiful and new, but it did not feel great when it came time to pay the bills. To me, that is much worse.

The guilt all goes back to the serenity prayer...the line about having the courage to change the things I can. To control what is well within my power. To not become a victim of your own poor decision making.

Ironically, my retail slip has happened during a time of financial introspection. As I make big plans in my head about how much I'm going to save and just how I'm going to do it, I justify a sizable spending spree. What would Suze Orman say? Probably "DENIED!" lol.

So, I'm making a deal with myself. I make it here so that I'm accountable in some small way.

I will not buy any new clothes for the rest of the year.
I will limit how many times I go out for dinner, and try to keep the bill under $15.
I will stick as close as possible to my dinner schedule (planning out what I will cook) to make the most of the groceries.
I will stick to debit or cash.


I think that this list is a good start to replenishing my savings. The goal? I'd love to have an 8-month reserve that goes untouched. Time to start setting those financial goals!

What are your best tips for saving money?

Muscle Memory

Adam, for those who don't know, is my thoughtful boyfriend. This year when we said we weren't getting each other anything for Valentine's day, he gave me a gift anyway. The gift of relaxation: two gift cards for massages.

It took me a month and half to use the first one. It took me last week to use the second. Some might think it inconsiderate to wait so long, but it was the perfect thing to have in my back pocket during a stressful time.

For some reason, massages always seem so frivolous to me. Taking an hour out of the day to have someone rub me down always seemed like a crazy thing to spend my money on. But having this free massage at my discretion has completely changed my mind.

An hour of trigger point therapy later and my mood did a 180. I went from being tense, frustrated, negative and snippy to relaxed and completely carefree. Maybe I'm an easy sale, but after my experience, I indulged in a year long membership that will force me to take care of myself more regularly.

Sometimes I forget that doing something good for me doesn't have to be miserable. It's never easy to keep promises with myself about reading, eating veggies, running, not shopping. At least this massage deal is something good that I'm excited to do.

Pinteresting

I have a mildly obsessive interest in Pinterest. And I'm not getting paid to mention it, by the way.

It is a website that allows you to assemble a web-based inspiration board for whatever topic you'd like. This is a lifesaver for things like decor ideas, recipes, fashion, projects, and anything you can think of that can be represented through an image. My mother and I are even working on our Christmas lists through the site!

 Here's the deal:

When I log in, I see things that have been recently pinned by people I follow. It's similar to the feed on Facebook. You have the option to like, comment, or repin your friends image to your own inspiration board.

When you click on someone's "pin," you see a larger version of the image and can see where the image came from. If you click the larger image, it will actually take you back to the original site where it was pinned! This feature makes it an excellent way to clear out the growing mound of bookmarks in your toolbar!

Each pin is part of a "board," like an inspiration board. What a great way to replace all those collages I made for my personal lookbook! As you can see I have boards for fashion, my dream home, entertaining, recipes, DIY projects and random things that are too cute to forget about.

But the best part of Pinterest is the "Pin It" button. You add this button to your bookmarks bar in your browser -- but it doesn't take you to another page. When you browse the internet and find something you want to mark, hit the "Pin It" button and all of the images will be extracted from that page. Choose the image that best represents what you are trying to save and a pin will automatically be created without you ever leaving that page. You can label the pin, make notes and even share with your social networks without interrupting your Internet surfing session.

At this point, the network is dominated largely by women: mommies, brides to be, graphic designers, photographers. Maybe the million images of DIY baby booties and glittery pumps is a little intimidating for men, children and the professional world...but I really think there is potential with this form of social networking.

To me it seems like an eye-catching adaptation of Twitter. Microblogging with images! And because you can choose which of a user's boards you subscribe to, there is the same thematic organization as with most blogs.

I'm not really sure yet how else this program would be applied -- I imagine work presentations, interior design boards, wishlists -- I'm sure there are other brilliant ways to apply Pinterest. I think the job of the company (and they have their work cut out for them) is to rebrand this and expand their audience.

But personally, I'm really looking forward to the future of this site!

A Stressful September

For most people in my life, right now is a stressful time. The traditional wedding season is nearing it's end, but does not seem to be slowing down. I have three friends that just had a baby or are nearing the end of their pregnancy. Friends with older kids are about to send them off to school. Those still in college have begun classes.

Entering September always seems to begin the slippery slope into the holidays. Before I know it I'll be standing in the middle of Thanksgiving, not knowing how I got there.

In my case, I have some crazy deadlines at work.We typically have a month to put an issue of the magazine together... this month I have a week and a half. Panic set in immediately. I could feel my body go into stress mode and my mind flutter in circles around the seemingly endless list of things I need to accomplish. Being in such a flustered state of mind has inevitably made me and others I work with pretty sensitive. Almost every interaction has some kind of tension and urgency that can be attributed almost completely to this timing issue.

Surely the stress won't end with this one issue. It's all leading up to a trade show that we host annually. It's my first go around with all of this, so naturally I have no idea what I'm getting myself into. Times like this make me long for a Chance card -- like in Monopoly. A "Get out of Stress Free" card.

Wouldn't it be lovely?

But instead of wasting time on idle dreams, I have found a quick way to get through when I am a little too tightly wound (I admit, it happens...):

1. Get yourself out of there! Don't pout or grumble at your desk. Go to the lobby, go outside, heck -- go to the bathroom. Just get yourself away from the place that makes you stressed.

2. Breathe. The value of a few deep breaths are sorely underrated. You may not be able to go into a yoga-like state and clear your mind -- I know I never am -- but you can stop worrying about everything but breathing for a second. This always seems to flush out the bad emotions a little.

3. Have a sensory experience. That probably sounds odd and vague, but hear me out. I don't support binging on anything, but there is a reason people like to eat or shop or listen to music when they are upset. Certain foods can have a positive effect on mood, and both art and music can also have a direct impact on your disposition. Whatever your preference is, take a second to use your senses in a way that makes you happy. I love some Fiona Apple and a chai tea, personally!

4. Look at the whole puzzle. Now that you have removed yourself from the situation, calmed yourself down, and made yourself happy...think about the situation rationally. It's time to be the bigger person now!

5. Be real. If the thing you're stressed about involves another person, it's time to communicate. Giving feedback is hard, but people can never live up to your expecations if they don't know what you expect in the first place. Talk to your coworker/friend/significant other/dog and tell them what is going on. Be honest and real with them -- even when we are in the workplace we are all just people.


I hope this helps somebody as they find themselves atop a mountain of stress. We've all been there, we're all going to be there again. Luckily, there's a back down the mountain.

RISK -- and reward

Recently, I had my family over for a game of Risk. For those of you unfamiliar with the game, it's basically an attempt at world domination. You take the cards you're dealt and try to strategically take over the countries and continents of others. You see a caricature of peoples' personalities, for sure.

I'd say that, much like in real life, I make a lot of big plans in my head about what I want to do -- doable plans. But as soon as other peoples' plans and influences interact with mine...I become a lot more conservative.

Strangely, this kind of behavior was discussed at length in a Suze Orman special on PBS: "The Money Class."

I watched the special the morning after our endless game of Risk, and a lot of dots were connected. Orman discusses how the financial truth for so many American's is that they are simply ignorant about their money. In an information age where there seems to be so much to know, the mere IDEA of finances become so overwhelming that we instead decide to do nothing. 

But there is no reward for taking no risk.

We all make big plans in our heads: about the diets we're about to go on, about running every morning, about our finances, about everything. Yet, when the task becomes overwhelming, we feel safer in our ignorance and just try to get by on whatever we know how to do.

Orman's special made me realize that -- yes -- I do feel this way about money. Fortunately, I'm young enough to rectify my mistakes. The apathy that has been on my back for some time now, however, is grad school.

During a time in our economy when taking on any additional debt seems inadvisable...is it such a risk to invest in yourself? Or is the real risk investing in the notion that graduate school will take me someplace I couldn't get on my own.

I do think that a lot of my undergraduate work focused on skills best suited for the ivy towers of academia, and not for the real world. I worry about entering more debt only to find that I am wasting my time on skills I might never apply outside the classroom. One would imagine that grad school, attended laregly by people already in the professional world, focuses more on concepts that will help propel them into the future. 

But like Suze Orman suggests, feeling safe in our ignorance yields no reward...so why waste valuable time?

Today, I emailed Eastern Michigan University about their graduate program in Written Communications. Hopefully they respond with the same enthusiasm as they would for freshly-plucked high school seniors.

Allowing Your Bliss

 The weather is inspiring me today. It's taking me back in time to 2005.

Even in the house, it feels crisp. The leaves are still green but the sky is that certain blue that tells me fall is coming as we hang on to the last of the summer sun. Still recovering from those last reckless sunburns of the season, there's nothing that transports me as quickly as a cool breezy day. I am an entirely different person now. I sit in my leafy green office sipping a cup of chai tea, procrastinating as I fondly remember the rush of school supplies and making my bed at the dorm for the first time.

I remember sitting under the tree in front of Powell and humming solfege while quietly admiring boys in the quad. I remember those evening games of ultimate frisbee and the alluring mystery of being a doe-eyed freshman. I remember listening to Parachutes on my CD player and the sunlight seemed golden, life seemed wonderfully melancholy in those brief moments alone listening to music.I remember the desperation in wanting to be something and trying to figure out who I was. 

I think it's true that most people don't appreciate what they have until it's over.

High school -- I remember it more fondly now that it's over, but I'd never want to go through it again. College -- I would do it over in a heartbeat. Even if I had to make all the same stupid mistakes. Even if I had to go through all the same struggles to find my way here.

I would love to relive those cool nights, busting out the AC sweaters and sneaking beer into the football game. I would give so much to go back to New York and run around with my head cut off again. It would be fantastic to wake up at 8am and walk to philosophy and argue the piss out of a misogynist and future lawyer. I would embrace those moments where I came off looking like a complete loon, letting it all hang out and having a great time doing it.

I don't think that feeling is completely gone, and as the weather has become a bit more mild these past few days, I feel like I'm coming back into myself. So maybe I'm in a grown up relationship with bills to pay. But that doesn't mean that the college freshman in me has to die. I can't wait for the season to blossom into a bustle of rustic colors. There is nothing better than a pair of suede boots, a chunky scarf and some apple cider.

Sometimes, I think feeling blissful has less to do with "following your bliss" and more to do with the ability to stop holding yourself back.

Bargain Shopping

Those who know me best are quite familiar with my love for bargain shopping. I believe in the power of retail therapy: the rush of finding the last fabulous thing in your size, the validation of finding it on sale, and the confidence you get from flaunting it.

My latest purchases?

The first is just over $20, a sale item at French Connection. The second is actually from Forever 21, an adorable summer find for under $20.

Sure, I enjoy a great deal. So do a lot of women. Most, especially those my age, can't really afford to go around bragging about how they paid full price for this or that. Is it about the money saved? Not quite. It's about value.

When I go to the store, by myself or with a shopping buddy, I always ask myself the same question: How cute is this? That probably sounds like a stupid question to ask, but I don't respond like a squealing 14 year old ("omg, TOTALLY cute!"). I respond with a price.

The unfortunate thing about retail is that they tell you what the price is. No salesperson is going to watch you in the mirror and say "You're right, it's only $25 worth of cute. I will discount you at the register." So you have to draw that line yourself. 

What are you willing to pay to look like this? Is it a good quality garment? Does it need alterations? Is it dry clean only? Is it versatile? Is it unique? All of these things factor into the long term cost of your garment.

Personally, I did a good bit of shopping right before my trip to Boston with Emma. But fall is right around the corner, and I'm already seeing a lot of likable trends in my favorite magazines. I have little doubt that I will soon be found in a dressing room haggling with myself over the cuteness of a certain pair of green skinny jeans.

Training, and the Terrible Twos

This is Heidi. She is a Sheltie, about 1 1/2 years old. From the day we brought her home, she was a loving pup, which I like to attribute to the fact that she was born on the eve of Valentine's day. Adam and I were also fortunate that she was quick to learn commands and become house trained.

For the next long while, it was smooth sailing. We couldn't have been more grateful, as Adam and I had taken on massive home improvement projects on a very tight deadline. There wasn't much time to train or fuss, something we felt guilty about. But, Heidi's good behavior was a sign to us that she understood and was happy nonetheless.

But one day a couple months ago a switch flipped. She started peeing in the house pretty regularly, was a little more lethargic, and just seemed a little less obedient than usual. I was quick to be firm with her and do what I could to remind Heidi that the carpet was not a good place to pee...but there was a general sense of helplessness in retraining something you thought had become second nature. How did I do it the first time? Does my dog hate me? Do I really need to start from the beginning with training? I thought the hard work was over.

So I began taking her out every two hours and rewarding her for peeing outside. I punished her when she peed inside. It's all I could think to do -- punish and reward. I was so worried that the lovingly named Terrible Twos applied to dogs as well as children. But there was something important that I was missing: Dogs have problems too.

If I thought I was upset that my formerly well-trained dog was now casually defiling my house, I can only imagine what Heidi was feeling when we all learned that she had a bladder infection. Our poor dog had a medical condition and was being punished for it!

Maybe the connection is a little stretched, although not so much in my home where Heidi functions as a family member, but the whole incident made me think of how we treat people -- especially those in our professional lives. When we see unexplained behavior in our peers and employees, are we quick to punish?

Obviously, in this scenario we are dealing with a dog...but people are much less black and white. Our lives are rife with complication, yet so many workplaces drop the ball on dealing with that reality. Maybe the next time we notice someone in our lives struggling to perform up to our expectations, we should investigate a little more deeply before punishing someone for things that are unintentional or out of their control.

In my case, I would say I was pretty fortunate. A little medication and extra love will remedy my dog's behavior, and I don't have to wonder about the Terrible Twos. Still, a little refresher on the basics of dog training couldn't hurt.

City Living

As a staunch Type A personality, my interest in cleanliness goes beyond the pleasure of putting everything in it's place -- it's really about a state of mind. When my desk is clear, my mind is free from distraction; I have a sense of peace. But I have come to believe that at some point, the minimalist lifestyle can lead to a head that's clear only because it's empty.

It's the everyday things that make your life real, and that allow writing to breathe with your voice. So maybe stark white office furniture isn't as inspiring as it is austere at times.

That's exactly why my most recent vacation was very much in order. I just arrived home from Boston -- exhausted, broke and covered in chili from dinner on the road -- but also with a new appreciation for those little things that are just part of the element here in Detroit. I'm not suddenly disilusioned that this is anything like Boston...but there are clear differences.

One thing that was nice about being in the city -- and this is going to sound weird -- is that it was dirty and painful and public. In the privacy of loftier Detroit suburbs, life is about the comfort of your home and little subdivisions that bustle with children.

In Boston, it was city walking with a layer of impermeable dirt on your heels. It was EVERYTHING bustling EVERYWHERE. There is a sense of community in touching what a million hands have touched on the subway and suffering daily as you discover the discomfort of your shoes for the first time. There is a quaintness near the ocean as the buildings crammed into each other and overflowed into the street.

I have to admit that cities like Chicago and Boston have always felt dreamy to me. But like most others, it becomes difficult to just pick up life and go once you get rooted. But for all of us in that situation, I think that we can gain perspective on what our lives are about when we get a taste of the "greener grass." I enjoyed living a different life and the historical character for a few days. As a result I had a greater appreciation for my more stark,peaceful lifestyle at home.

Although the pull to "get everything together" is great, there is something spiritual about glistening hotly in the weather and getting lost for a while.

Screw up Once, Shame on You. Screw up Twice...DON'T.

People make mistakes. COMPUTERS make mistakes. It has to be okay to make mistakes.

Unfortunately, in the world of writing, a simple typo can cost companies a lot of money. Having that happen can be devastating. If you're anything like me -- a complete Type A personality -- mistakes feel you feel really dumb and a little sick, even when they're not all your fault.

But it is too easy to become paranoid. Don't begin over analyzing everything just because of one mistake. It all comes back to realizing what your weaknesses are and keeping an eye out for them. No writer can guarantee they won't forget a period or have a short-term lapse of dyslexia. But, when you stop trusting yourself, you will never be able to get out of your own way.

Instead, put your weaknesses on the front burner and keep them in mind while you write. There are few faster ways to lose the trust of a company than by making the same mistake twice.

Stop Selling Yourself Short

When we entertain the idea or begin the process of starting a business, the idea is always the same: We have a product or service we want to sell to a lot of people. Social media has gained a lot of attention for being the great equalizer between the astronomical budgets of corporations and the meager to non-existent start-up funds of many small business owners. But there is a quiet movement towards monetizing these social media efforts that could be putting your business in the hole.

In our great country, we seldom take the time to question the argument that more is better...which is why companies of all sizes border on desperation as they try to get consumers to follow them on Twitter or "like" their Facebook Page. An excellent example of this was recently mentioned by Kizer & Bender, a duo of retailing experts I had the pleasure of interviewing recently (Link Below).

Did This National Restaurant Chain Put Too Much Love into the Like?

Articles like this have to make you wonder: What is the potential profit of having one person like your Facebook Page? Considering the potential cost of their efforts to reach 100,000 fans, they must have valued it pretty highly. To me, it just sounds a little unwise to put all of your eggs (and money!) into the social media basket.

However, Bucca di Beppo had one thing going for them: The people they were trying to reach were already involved with the brand. They weren't strangers just looking for a gift card -- these people had already subscribed to a loyalty program through the restaurant.

The rush to gain a following has become so urgent for some people that they turn to third party groups to artificially boost their numbers. Did you know you can buy Twitter followers now? I don't know how reliable the business is, and it certainly isn't my attempt to endorse them here, but Get TwitterFollowers claims they can get you thousands of new followers for a small price. While it sounds tempting, what are you really going to get out of it?

The fact that there is a "need" for this kind of business really says that people are willing to pay to have ANYONE look at their content. In reality, I think it just circumvents the process of natural selection in the business world. If you're passionate and have a good product, things have a way of working out over time.

Don't sell yourself short over impatience or desperation. The whole point of social media is that you can get word out to people for FREE. So stop falling for the idea that, regardless of the cost, more is better.

A New Definition of Success

Okay, maybe not "new," but a clear alternative to the money-chasing.

Most people would jump at the chance to go where the money is -- I've been there. I worked for a mortgage company where I knew people that made an absurd amount of money. I wouldn't say that most of them possessed any kind of magical powers, they just sacrificed...a lot. It was to the similar fall-off-the-face-of-the-earth effect that happens when people have babies. But in reality, they were just feeding their wallets.

I left in pursuit of more manageable and relevant affairs, and haven't regretted a day since. I realized that my time and freedom is priceless! I would rather work less hours in the day for the same amount of money instead of chasing a fat raise. This is why so many people are drawn to freelance careers.

Just because your day is shorter than most doesn't mean it has to be less profitable. I Stumbled Upon an article that discusses how successful people channel their focus into a shorter day (link below).

Why Successful People Leave Work Early

 When I thought about how I function, I really couldn't agree more. The first four hours of the day are when the real work gets done, the rest just seems to drag on into eternity. So I'm going to challenge myself -- and you -- to try it out. See just how much you can accomplish in short, concentrated bursts.

I sure wouldn't hate a shorter work day!

Stepping Back

I don't want to count how many social media messages enter my life daily. Between the emails from Facebook and the text messages from Twitter, not to mention the time I actually spend navigating these sites, it's probably overkill.

But once in a while you come across something true enough to pay attention to. A few days ago, one of the blogs I follow posted this quote:

If you get stuck, get away from your desk. Take a walk, take a bath, go to sleep, make a pie, draw, listen to music, meditate, exercise; whatever you do, don't just stick there scowling at the problem. But don't make telephone calls or go to a party; if you do, other people's words will pour in where your lost words should be. Open a gap for them, create a space. Be patient.

HILARY MANTEL

True. As much as I procrastinate and allow time to get away from me, It's really the best thing I can do to get out of my office from time to time. Today marks one of my favorite times to get away: the annual Laabs trip to Traverse City. My entire extended family comes up, and we all love it here for different reasons. Aside from the obvious intention of spending time together, I love writing here.


I'm not in a box, I'm not trying to appease my anxious dog, I'm not trying to create just the right white noise to keep me focused, I'm not even looking at the time. As a writer who works largely from home, it's refreshing to hear other people murmur around me. And as a city girl, nothing is quite as restorative as the sound of the water.


I have only been here a few hours, but I already feel that switch click -- the one that associates writing with work -- and now I can get back to that sensation of writing for fun. Sometimes all it takes is that change of scenery.


Writing for a living is a true blessing, I can say without question that it's something I am happy doing. But once it's just you and the words, it's too easy to get in your own way. I know that I try new ways of finding my voice all the time, but sometimes all you need to do is sit in a new chair.


Try it.

DIY Editing: Learn your own weaknesses

In my experience, one of the harder tasks in writing is editing yourself.

For the majority of the writing process, we entrench ourselves in the topic -- either gathering enough information to assert ourselves as an expert or searching for the perfect creative inspiration. After all of the perspiration and punctuation, we have to step back and make sure everything is just as it should be.

Considering the adage that "you are your own worst critic," you'd think it would be easier to notice where you could do better. But most often, the things that need help aren't even necessarily wrong. In both the grammatical and developmental senses, many writers fall back on habit: a turn of phrase, organization...I have a well-developed fondness of commas, personally.  How are you supposed to look at your work and decide what changes will take it to the next level?

Well, no one can expect you to do it all alone in the beginning.

Certainly, your ability to self-edit will become invaluable. You will still need to comb your work carefully. But begin by making note of the mistakes you notice most often. Keep a list of them. Once you have done what you can, enlist a peer.

There is a reason that writers are so quick to form communities and working relationships: We need each other. Find a writer -- multiple writers even -- with different backgrounds, styles and perspectives. Find people whose talent you respect. Have them edit your work one more time and show you the changes they made. I am a believer in the tracking changes available on Microsoft Word or the commenting and cataloged document history on Google Docs.

You will probably find a different slew of suggestions, not all of which you have to take. After all, your unique voice as a writer is your product. But you will likely discover new things to work on. Keep that list handy and refer to it when you finish your next piece. Over time, you wont need that list so much anymore; many of these issues tend to resolve themselves once you become aware of them.

Working on your self-editing skill is a tool that pays off quickly with better quality writing. While honing your craft is a life-long process, having someplace to begin is something that most of us can be very grateful for.

Shedding Your Expectations

We all know that there are major benefits to exercising. Most of us have probably joined a gym at some point, bought a few workout routine DVDs -- only to have that $50 EFT mock us for staying home as we stare at the disk, which has collected so much dust you may as well use it as a coaster at this point.

I will admit I'm not a health nut. I am among the millions who try, and many times fail, to be better. But I decided enough was enough: I bought a treadmill and put it in the bedroom next to mine. I think about that machine every time I walk to my room. All I had to do was start.

That took about a week and a half. I got that terrible feeling of paralysis, but the dread of starting was actually worse than the exercising!

As a writer, it is easy to feel the same trepidation. What if, when you put the pen to paper, you don't arrive at the great American novel? What if it is the stupidest thing you have ever said?

The first thing you need to do is put aside any expectations. Write them on a post-it, or put them someplace you'll remember. But just as I cannot expect to begin exercising by running a 5k, no writer should put any pressure on themselves as they begin to exercise their writing muscle.

Start small: reflect on your day, do a freewrite, just get in the habit of putting words on a page. The pressure to begin writing can be enormous, so finding out how your writing process begins is one of the biggest steps you can make towards any of the goals you may have.

So kick the dread and just do 15 minutes of the hard stuff every day. Just like when exercising, you will grow stronger by making a commitment to your skills.